


Remember Me?

by Twisted_PDnim



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Romance, Established Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung | Jr., Flashbacks, I'm Bad At Tagging, Insecure Im Jaebum | JB, M/M, Minor GOT7 (Ensemble), Short, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-03-01 10:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13293177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_PDnim/pseuds/Twisted_PDnim
Summary: What if the love of your life lost every memory they had of you one day and it was all because of a big mistake you made... JB biggest regret in life is being the main reason why Jinyoung lost his memory and mind.Remember when we first meet?





	1. Jaebum Pov.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to post this and I might even continue it and make it into a whole story maybe I'm not sure. Let see if it hits first.

_ Remember _ when we first met? 

How you walked in with this confidence and held your head high. You had this glow to you that made it hard for me to look away. It was like love at first sight. 

 

_ Remember _ how you stayed up late to work on your dancing and how you kept messing up and got so angry that you screamed to the top of your lung that the next day you couldn’t speak. It was the first time i saw any emotion from you. The first time that mask of yours was ever removed.

 

_ Remember _ when i made you laugh for the first time since you moved. How you covered your mouth and that monotone laughter soon became a silent chuckle and how you held onto your stomach because you couldn't stop laughing, i found it cute.

 

_ Remember _ when you suddenly started crying in the middle of class, You took off running and everyone thought it was because you had guts and walk out like nothing. I followed you that day and i heard you sobbing in the bathroom stalls; i want to hug you but we had barely started talking. 

 

_ Remember _ when i ask you out? And how i stutter every time. You wouldn’t stop smiling at me and that made me freak out. I was so happy when you said yes, it felt like i could finally take off flying. 

 

_ Remember _ our first date at the carnival?  how i kept trying to win you that stuff teddy bear that had a t-shirt with the letter J? I didn't win but you comfort me and told me i look cool, it made me feel warm inside because you kiss me on the cheek too.

 

_ Remember _ when we skipped school because we felt like we need a break? You were so scared that we’d get caught, it was cute because it was the first time you’d ever ditched school. We went to the beach and stay there till noon and you told me it was first time in your life that you had ever felt so relax and happy; it made me happy too. 

 

_ Remember _ may 5th? It was the day we had our first kiss, it felt sweet and funny, your lips were soft and moist. You jolted the moment our lips meet. I swear it felt like we were standing on clouds and the stars dance all around. You told me you love that day too.

 

_ Remember _ when you snuck out of your house for the first time, you came over to mine because you just had a big fight with your parents. You cried to me for the first time that night and i held you so tight because i was afraid that if i let go you’d leave at any give moment.

 

_ Remember _ the 7th of september? We made love for the first time. you were so shy that night it was so cute how you’d tried to hide your face every time i’d take a look at you.  You look so gorgeous, Every part of you was beautiful just as i’d imagine. 

 

_ Remember _ when we ran away from home? we had just finish high school and we decided to move to seoul. we found a cheap apartment and you said it was perfect for just us two. I started working so that you could go to school but you refused and started working part time at a cafe down the street from the college you went to.

 

_ Remember _ how you cried the first night we moved in? Because you miss your mother and 2 older sisters. You said you were okay but you couldn’t stop crying. I knew it was going to be hard for you i shouldn't have let you moved. 

 

_ Remember _ when we angered for the first time? How i made you cry so much and you told me to leave because you didn’t want to see me and i did. i made the biggest mistake that night. You waited up all night for me while i was in bed with someone else and yet you still forgave me. 

 

_ Remember _ how every saturday night i'd stay out late and wouldn’t come home until the next day? And how every morning you wouldn't ask me where i spent the night. Because you already knew and it killed you and it showed in your face. 

 

_ Remember _ those night you’d laid in bed crying you thought i was sleeping but i heard you or when you’d wake up crying in the middle of the night and how every time i tried to hold you you’d push me away.  Things  between us just weren't the same and all because of me. I can still hear you crying. God i’m so sorry. 

 

_ Remember _ christmas day? How i made you cry tears of joy for the first time in so long. We talked like before and laughed like we use too. We were so happy that we kissed and it was passionate too.

 

_ Remember _ new year eve, we made love for the first time since the fight. You woke up crying that night, but you rushed to the bathroom so that i wouldn’t hear you. You showered every day for about 3 hours ever since that night.  You hated it, didn't you? Its okay i’d hate it too if i was you.

 

_ Remember _ when our friends came to visit us? You drank for the first time. Do you remember that night? how you let out everything you held inside and How you cursed at me in front of everyone and how i tried to calm you down but you slapped me and shouted not to touch you. you started crying so bad, that you started gasping for air, you shouted at me and told me how much i broke you. 

 

i remember it like it was yesterday. 

 

You stared at me with so much pain after you stop fussing once i finally took the bottle away from you. You said to me  _  “Why did you betray me?” _ and i said nothing in responds.

 

_ “i use to think i was over thinking things because i knew that i could trust you and you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me” _

 

you fell to your knees and cried so much before speaking again and every word you said felt like a bullet to my chest. I hate myself so much for causing you this pain. 

 

_ “even though i knew it, i still lied to myself because i love you so much and the thought of you holding someone  else in your arms hurts so bad”  _

 

Nothing, i said nothing but stared at you as you broke down, 

 

_ “I feel stupid because i forgave you every time and you make me feel like its my fault! Like if i wasn’t good enough, you promised you’d never hurt me!”  _

You cried so much that everyone sat there watching while tears gathered on the center of their eyes. I crouched down to hold you but you pushed me away and shouted  _ “i fucking hate you don’t touch me! Dont fucking touch me!” _

 

it made me mad but it made me even more mad at the fact that i had no right to be mad. So i snapped and i said thing i didn't mean to say, _ “you think i wasn’t in pain! You think i wasn’t suffering! What about me!” _  things I regret ever saying, _ “you never once told me how much you appreciated me so don’t fucking put this shit on me! You kick me out!”  _

 

And it made you snap, it made you even more mad, _ “I kick you out that night jaebum because you hurt Me! But when I told you to leave  i didn’t think you’d go an fuck someone else while i stayed up all night waiting for you to come back home!”  _

 

you cried so much because of me and you suffered so much because of what I did but you never said anything until that night.  _  “and what about all those other night you left, was because of me!? Was because I made you leave? Because didn't want to sleep with you so you went and slept with someone else!”  _

 

_ “fuck you Jinyoung!” _ that was the first time I ever curse at you, the first time I ever shoved you. 

 

_ “you sure? Or are you going to leave and fuck someone else while i stay in bed crying my eyes out for a fucking asshole who never home when I need him the most!”  _

 

_ “I'm fucking sorry damnit jinyoung! You think i don’t hate myself for it! You think i don’t regret every moment!” _

 

“ _ so then why did you do you it? Why do you keep on doing it!” _ and that was it, the words you said after that was the finally blow and it felt like the world came crumbling down right on top of me.

 

_ “Why do you keep leaving me here alone, why do you keep killing me more and more every single night, why can't I stop loving you after everything you've done to me why!” _ you were in so much pain.

 

_ remember _ I fought with your best friend that night, he told you to stop crying for me that i'm not worth it and he was right about that. You told Mark to stop and he told you to stop being ignorant and i told him to stay out of it and he said  _ “i’ll stay out of it when you learn to keep your dick out of others” _ that when i throw the first hit and Mark rushed me. You begged us to stop and asked others to help you stop us. But instead Youngjae took you into the bedroom and jackson told you’d he’d stop us as he drag us both outside. He didn’t, he help Mark and honestly if i was him i’d help Mark too. I deserved it. 

 

_ Remember _ how you left and i came home to find your stuff gone? I broke everything and i tried to go after you but no one help me. All they told me was “ _ he somewhere better off and hopefully will find someone who will love him right.” _ i didn't drink that night. instead i stay up crying and calling for you. I text you and ask you to come back home. I begged you not to leave me and promised you that I'd change. then i got mad and i sent hurt things like  _ “ fuck you” _ and  _ “they gave me what you wouldn’t!” _ to saying  _ “I’m sorry” _  and  _ “ i love you, please come back to me.” _ I wanted to kill myself that night but before i could even think of how, i got a call and rushed right out of the door. 

 

_ Remember _ how you sent me a message one day saying if you lost me you’d want to end your life.

 

I guess you were serious because that call was about you. You had beaten me to it. 

 

Thankfully Mark found you on time. Maybe he right, maybe it would have been better if you were with him in the first place. He cares for you even after losing you to someone else, maybe he would have loved you the way you deserved and given you the happiness you deserve. Maybe he wouldn’t have broken you like i did. Maybe you’d okay and still had your memory too. Maybe you'd be wake right now instead of laying here in a hospital bed. Maybe we’d still be talking. Maybe then you wouldn't have erased me from your memory.


	2. Jinyoung Pov.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jinyoung-ah, wake up, it's me Jaebum”
> 
>  
> 
> Why can't I remember You? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am adding another chapter yay!!

“ do you remember when we use to play outside in the backyard and how your mom would get upset because we'd get dirty with dirt. ”

“ No.“

_He said his name was Mark… Mark Tuan, we've been friends since  we were 8. His mom and my mom are friends. he really thin and tall he has a cute laugh and he was born in America. He seem quit… he not._

 

“remember when we chased after a butterfly one day and got lost?”

“ No.”

_They call him youngjae. His name is Choi Youngjae, he smile a lot and laugh really loud. He said we became friends when we meet in music class. He seem really nice, he remind me of an otter. Oh and he has a pet dog name coco. He really love her. Did I mention he has a nice voice..._

 

“remember the day when we argued over who broke the t.v. remote?"

“ no...“

_Jackson Wang, a 5.6 guy with a heart of gold, he really funny and has a high pitch laugh. He seem to be really healthy too. He said we are best friends but Mark said he was lying. Jackson from Hong Kong, he speak many languages. He remind me of a needy puppy. It's cute._

“Okay good because it was you…”

_Did I mention he was funny…_  

 

“remember when we went to go eat at That new burger place and ended up getting sick the next day?”

“Not really.”

_Kim Yugyeom, he the youngest amongst my friends. He close friends with Bambam. Bambam is from Thailand and their both loud and really hyper. Oh and their both 1997 babies. Their babies. They make me laugh when they do or say stupid things. Apparently I use to tutor them, go figure._

 

“remember mom? “ 

“yes.”

 

“dad?” 

“yes.”

 

“do you remember us, your two older sister?”

“yes.”

_I think i remember them,  I feel like I'm supposed to know them. Yet there this_ _cloudiness in my mind and it make it hard for me to know who they are. Or is it the memories of them that I can't  seem to recall? I know their faces, the sound of their voices, their laughter and their fragrance. I can feel it, inside my heart when I see them. I know I can trust them. I know that they are people who are dear to me._

 

“do you remember me?” 

_Expect for him..._

“do you remember when we first meet?”

“No… “

_My heart ache when I see him and i don't know why._

“how about when you first skip school?”

“yes”

“do you remember the guy who was with you that day?”

“no, I don't,”

“how about when you moved to Seoul?”

“i don't remember ever leaving home…” 

“please remember me"

“I'm sorry but I can't…I don't know who you are"

“try… please try harder”

“i can't, I'm sorry, I don’t know why i can’t seem to remember you or who you are. I can’t even remember your name.  but there this feeling in my chest and it hurt so bad. I don't know what happen or why do I feel like my heart is shattering just by looking at you or why I feel this anger and hatred towards you but I can't recall who you are and honestly I think it's best if I don't.” 

“But I want you to remember me too, remember when we first meet? OUR first date? When we first kiss. The day you cried…? Do you remember anything?”

“I remember crying one day, I remember hearing a familiar voice telling me something with so much sorrow in his voice. I remember hearing someone cry and constantly apologizing to me. But I don't remember what he said or how he looks, I can't remember why he apologized but I know that I have this hatred towards him. The kind that I feel just by looking at you. I am not sure of he hurt me or what he did to me that cause me to feel this heart ache but honestly don't wanna meet him  or see him either. Because whatever he did or said, he hurt me deeply and i don't Think I can forgive him.”

“Jinyoung….”

“yes?” 

“my name is Im Jaebum, I am the reason why you are laying in this hospital bed and the reason why you lost your memory” 

“what do you mean?”

“we meet on the day you went missing…”

_Im Jaebum, there this sadness in his eyes this pain that linger deeply in his pure black eyes. I am sorry that I have erased you from my memory._

 

“i was the one who saved you that night” he said but his voice was weak. 

“don't believe him Jinyoung! He lying!” Mark shouted 

“I found you at a motel and rushed you to the hospital, I was the one who brought you here" 

“you son of bitch! Im Jaebum don't you dare lie to him!”

“i am not lying!”

“tell him the truth! Tell him who you really are! Tell him how much you hur-"

“Shut up! You have no right to say anything Mark! You don't know anything about me or what happen so shut up!”

“i know more than you think I do JB and I refuse to let you lie to Jinyoung I refuse to let you hurt him again!”

“are you doing out of kindness or because you think you might have a chance.”

“I'm not like you you sick bastard!”

“are you sure? Where were you all those other times? When he need you when he'd text you and call you. Those days he called you to apologize for moving far away from you" 

“you fucking bitch!”

“admit Mark! You always be jealous! Jealous of us!”

“I would have treated him way better! And Loved him and respected him unlike you! I would be have give him everything he deserved and you know it true!”

“he love me, Mark. not you, me"

“loved. You see what you said Loved past tense. He can't even remember you now"

“and you think just because he remember a little bit of you he will date You? That he'll return you those feelings you long for.  You know as much I know that he would never love you the way he loved me. You will always be the second choice Mark”

“even if I'm not the one he truly love even if I might be the second choice. I refuse to let him go again. Losing him to you was the biggest mistake I made”

“i won't let him forget me"

“he's already forgotten who you are JB, you're  too late”

-

I had a dream that I was standing in this field of flowers. The wind was mellow and smooth: blowing gently. The sky was a clear baby blue and only a few white fluffy clouds were present and the sun was so bright as it greeted me with its light. There was boy just a hair inch taller than me with a white shirt and a hat that cast a shadow over his faces. He spoke with a voice so low and soft it was barely audible. _“I love you, please don't let go, I'm nothing without you.”_ and I said to him with tears in my eyes _“you hurt me so much”_ the boy reach out towards me and the distance between us widen, he spoke, this time he raised his voice _“forgive me! Jinyoung! I'm Sorry! Don't give up on me!”_ I wasn't sure who he was or what he represent but I remember how every flower slowly died and the sky was dark and grey the cloud gather their color changed into a now black and grey and I whispered. “I wish I could erase every memory I have of you" and just like that he vanished. He was gone and I was left alone in the field of dead flowers as the cloud begin to cry along with me as if they felt my pain.

 

“Jinyoung-ah, wake up, it's me Jaebum” 

_Why can't I remember You?_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this part is short I hope you like it. 
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment and kudo and share this also check out my other work. Thank You!


	3. Narrator POV.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the way he cover his smile when he laugh silently when he remember these funny joke he use to tell him.  
> 
>  
> 
> “isn't it funny!” Jinyoung chuckled

“Jaebum hyung, why did you lie?” 

 

“honestly, yugyeom. I don't even know”

 

“what if he remember you hyung?” 

 

“then that would be great.” 

 

“But then he realize you lied to him again hyung.” 

 

“honestly, I don't think he’ll ever remember me and if he does, He'll end up hating me anyways, whether i lie or not.” 

 

“So your saying it doesn't matter if you lie to him… again?” 

 

“I'm not doing anything bad. A little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone yugyeom” 

 

“Jaebum hyung, lying is never a good thing, be it small or big. Lying is only the start of all bad. One lie turns into another lie and that lie become a bigger lie.” 

 

“look yugyeom, i feel like I was given a second chance here and I am not going to let this chance slip away from me, got it” 

 

“why are you even trying this hard? Why not just move on hyung?”  

 

“I don't know but my life feel so dark and blue without him in it” 

 

“you love him don't you?Jaebum hyung” 

 

“deeply,”  

 

“well, just know that I'm rooting for you hyung.” 

 

“you are?”

 

“of course, I believe in you two just try not to fuck up this last chance hyung,” 

 

“ thanks yugyeom”

 

“no problem hyung, go in there and win his heart all over again.” 

\---

 

It’s the way Jinyoung eyes shimmer like the moonlight when it reflect against the ocean waves whenever he talk about something so happily. it's his laughter, that monotone almost sarcastic type of laughter of his that spark this warmth within jaebum chest. It's the way Jinyoung wraps his arm around him completely, a full embrace that it brings this secure and motherly feeling: A hug so comforting and warm it's indescribable. it's those cute small crinkled that form on the side of his eyes when he smile. it’s the way he talk, how he describe life like it's some type of paradise; a holy place. Or maybe it's everything about him, every imperfect, perfection of his that glows so bright it's blinding.

 

It's the way Jinyoung speak so fondly of him. How He made jinyoung feel safe and calm when he held him in his embrace. It's the way Jinyoung stares at the ground beneath his feet when he think of those memories of them together. It's the shade of pink that creep onto his cheeks when he said he remember when they went all the way for the first time.  _ It was passionate.  _ He whispered. It's the way he cover his smile when he laugh silently when he remember these funny joke he use to tell him.  

 

“isn't it funny!” Jinyoung chuckled 

 

It's the way he drinks his coffee, so elegantly and savoringly. One would say he was shooting a coffee commercial. He just so amazing to look at, he enjoy everything and doesn't take anything for granted. 

 

“oh and I remember this song" he say, putting his cup of coffee back down. 

 

“ _ I love you, love you more than anyone-”  _

 

His voice is so delightful and subtly sweet, it's harmonizing and honey like. A voice so calming and beautiful to the human ears. 

 

“Jinyoungie!” 

 

It's been about 2 weeks since Jinyoung was out of the hospital now. His memory is slowly returning. He remember most of his old childhood memory with his friends. He seem happier and that make Jaebum happy. Because their talking like before when they had just become friends. Jinyoung smile more too.

 

Today Jinyoung remember something. 

 

“over here!” 

 

“you ready to go jinyoungie?”  

 

Unfortunately, he remember this memory a bit to late. 

 

“well I have to go, I'll see you next time okay?” 

 

“okay, see next time Jinyoung-ah" 

 

Because his heart belong to someone else now

 

“let's go Mark, bye Jaebum hyung,” 

 

_ When will you finally remember who that guy in your dream is? The one you speak so fondly of, the one that slowly appear in your memory Jinyoung.   _

 

“youngie, it's me, the guy from your memory and dreams…” 

 

_ Not Mark _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was short T.T but I hope you like it. 
> 
> Tell me what you think and comment below! Don't forget to hit the kudo and check out my other story and share with a friend. Thank you so much!


	4. Narrator/ Jinyoung POV.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  it's the words that escape from Jaebum’s sweet moist lips that erupt another forgotten memory.
> 
>  
> 
> “try and relax" he whisper lowly, his lips nearly touching Jinyoung now redden ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating again!! I hope this chapter is as good as the other ones too! I really appreciate all of you who are reading this and liking and even leaving me comment. You guys have no idea how much that motivate me to write more. So thank you and again sorry if this chapter short and if there any misspell. ENJOY!!!

It's the way his finger ghost across Jinyoung hand, the way they play with his sweater sleeve teasingly and lingeringly.  Its that strange familiarity of his touch as he places his hand upon Jinyoung tender shoulder. The pat on the shoulder that Is no stranger to Jinyoung what's so ever.  _ ‘why does his touch leave this hot burning sensation?’  _ it's that bright smile of Jaebum’s that triggers another foggy memory within Jinyoung. it's the words that escape from Jaebum’s sweet moist lips that erupt another forgotten memory. 

 

_ “try and relax"  _ he whisper lowly, his lips nearly touching Jinyoung now redden ear. 

 

It's His hands that are now running up and down Jinyoung arms, causing heat to form while the feeling of his hot breath is felt against the back of Jinyoung neck. It's the fragrance of his cologne, A smell of a freshly made hot cocoa, a scent so soothing and subtly sweet yet airy like a freshly autumn day. A smooth and gentle smell to the nose. 

 

_ ‘this scent, I've smelt it before’  _

 

It's the headache that suddenly happen, that throbbing feeling as if your brain is pulsing.

 

_ “Jinyoung-ah are you alright?”  _

 

It's those two twin moles that rest underneath his brow. Its that concern look in his face that suddenly becomes clear. Its that voice that Jinyoung remember. It's the pain that it bring when his mind start to recall lost memories.  

 

“nyoungie, please what's wrong are you in pain?” 

 

“hyung stop your too clo- argh" Jinyoung groans as he stands up from his seat. 

 

“Jinyoung! What's wrong!” 

 

It's that firm grip that's holding Jinyoung up. That hand that is pace right on his elbow and shoulder.  _ It can't be him _ it's the suddenly rush of those unwanted forgotten memories. 

 

“my head argh"  

 

It's the flashes of white lights that flicker within jinyoung eyes. That dizzy head spinning feeling that feel a like your about to pass out. The way the room begins to move in and out and the ground start to tilt from side to side. 

 

_“Nyoungie, stay with me”_ said Jaebum his voice becoming distant.

 

_ “ hyung, I-i can't breathe…”  _

 

It's that very moment when everything become mute and all the lights go out. 

\--- 

_ Remember  _ when we first meet?

I remember walking into class and seeing a boy dress in all black staring at me with a look that seem as if he just saw an angel. I remember  it was my first day of school.

 

_ Remember _ when I stayed up late to work on my dancing? 

I remember how I frustrated I got  because I kept messing, I wanted to just give up so bad I wanted to break all the mirror in the room. I want to be just as good as hyung. 

 

_ Remember _ when you made me laugh for the first time since I'd moved.

I remember laughing so hard my stomach started hurting and my eyes got teary. It was the first time we started talking. You also told me I should stop hiding my smile, because you said it was a beautiful smile, one that shouldn't be kept from the world. 

 

_ Remember _ when I  started crying in the middle of class?

I took off running  Because i didn't want anyone to see or notice me crying. But you did, you followed me and it made me feel like somebody cared for me. I wanted to tell why I cried i want to go up to you tell how I had these strange feeling for you inside but I was scared you'd find me disgusting like everyone else did. 

 

_ Remember _ when you asked me out? 

You were so cute, you wouldn't stop stumbling over your own words and the way you blushed even harder the more I stared at you. I couldn't help it, you were so cute being all bashful like that. 

 

_ Remember _ our first date? 

It was at the carnival and you tried to win me that big’o teddy with the letter J on his t-shirt. You couldn't beat it and I told you it was okay but you wouldn't stop until the 12th time when I place a kiss on your cheek. Your face flushed a bright red.

 

Remember when we skip school for the first time? 

I was so afraid we'd get caught, but you seem so relax it made me feel at ease too. We had so much fun that day. It was the thrill of being caught what made even more exciting. It was the sunset setting behind the ocean wave as they crashed on shore. It was being next you that made me happy too. 

 

_ Remember _ may 5th? 

it was the day we had our first kiss, I could never forget it. It was so sweet and breathtaking a kiss so tender yet clumsy. Your lips felt moist it was so sudden I jerk back. I didn't kept for you to kiss me back. It was blissful and heavenly. I swear I heard angels singing. 

 

_ Remember _ when I snuck out of my house for the first time? 

It was around the time I got into a big argument with my family. I had finally come out to them and it wasn't as I expected. My dad got angry and my mother defend me. Which made my sister's get mad at me. Said I cause them to fight and it was my fault that they are always fighting. I had to to your place that day and cried in front of you for the first time. I couldn't help it, it was like the moment you held me I couldn't stop crying. It was like you knew me and every struggle that I was facing without me even saying anything. 

 

I  _ Remember _ the 7th of September, It's still a bit foggy. Wasn't it the time we made love for the first time? It was, wasn't it. I remember it now. The feeling of your body against me and That burning feeling whenever your hands weren't caressing my body. I was so shy but you made me feel like I was in paradise.  It was beautiful and I knew from that moment and on that I want to spend my entire life with you. 

 

_ Remember _ the day we ran away from home? 

Wasn't it about a month after finish high school. My parents wouldn't let us be together and we decided to move to Seoul. We got a small one bedroom apartment that was meant for two. 

 

I  _ remember _ crying the first night we had moved in, I wasn't sure why but I miss my family. I miss my mother and two older sisters too. But you comfort me and made me realize that everything was going to be alright. 

 

_ Remember _ how you got upset because I had gotten a part time job at a coffee shop just across from my collage. I didn't want you to be the only working I want us to work as a time. 

 

_ Remember  _ when we argued for the first time? How you made me cry because you said hurtful things like “your ungrateful” and  _ “god your so fucking stupid”  _ because I overreacted when I saw that message from your female co worker. I was just so afraid that you would get tired of me or not being good enough. I said some stupid thing too  _ “i knew it was a mistake"  _ and “ _ i regret ever meeting you"  _ you even started crying and I told you to leave. I guess I was upset because you had made me stop talking to Mark after finding out he had feeling for me. I wouldn't blame you. I would have done the same. 

 

_ “jinyoungie”  _

 

You came home that night and told you were sorry for the hurt word you said 

 

_ “wake up Jinyoung”  _

 

You told me you love and that no one could break us apart. 

 

_ “Jinyoung wake up” _

 

But hyung, why did I try to end my life… 

 

“Jinyoung-ah” 

 

“Jaebum hyung…” 

 

“what is it? What's wrong?” 

 

“we were in love" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story check out my other works too! Thank you. 
> 
> Ajsksdbsjs I am so happy to see people liking it.


	5. Flash back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jinyoung hyung i’m so sorry”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating yay!! I hope you all like this chapter too! I changed the writing style just a bit but it's good!   
> ANYWAYS so get ready every one! Because this is about to shock you! Forgive me and peace!!! Akdjskzhx

I want to remember your touch, the feeling of your body pressed against mine.  _ “ahh, hyung"  _ I want feel you lips explore my entire body, to leave  marks in ever part of me. I want to lay in your arms as you breathe down my neck, resting peacefully until we fall asleep. I want to hear you whisper my name in a loving low tone of voice as my hand trace your entire body.  _ “Nyoungie”  _  I want ours voice to unite as we breathe out heavy breath and lustful moans into the empty air. I want to remember the feeling of the night we made love for the first time.  _ “Jaebum hyung~” _  i want to be yours and you to be mine entirely.

__

“Jinyoung hyung?”

 

“Yeah what’s up yugyeom?”

 

“Is something on your mind?” 

 

“No why do you ask?”

 

“Hyung you’ve been string your coffee for about an hour now while staring outside of the window, obviously you're in deep thought now spill”

 

“have you ever wanted somebody that you know you shouldn’t?” 

 

“I guess yeah”

 

“I remember him yugyeom, i remember his name and how we met”

 

“Wait you mean jaebum hyung?” 

 

“Yeah, i remember how we meet our first kiss everything”

 

“How do you feel about that?”

 

“About what?”

 

“About him and everything that happen”

 

“What is there to feel yugyeom, i’m happy”

 

“Happy? Wait what exactly do you mean by everything?”

 

“Our kiss our first time when we moved in together and how we argued one time but we worked it out.”

 

“That it? What about-”

 

“I still don’t understand what happened that caused me to lose my memory of him and what made me want to take my own life”

 

“Jinyoung hyung, you only remember the go-”

 

“Did i tell you what happen two days ago yugyeom”

 

“What happen two days ago hyung?”

 

“He kissed me”

 

“He kiss you!”

 

“Shhh don’t shout, sit back down why are you getting all riled up i haven't even told you the good part yet’

 

“Hyung please tell me you didn't sleep with him”

 

“And what if i did, why does it matter to you”

 

“because -”

 

“Because what?”

 

“Because.. Um.. what about mark hyung”

 

“What about him?”

 

“Does he know?”

 

“About what?” 

 

“About you and him? About you remembering who Jaebum hyung is about what you did with him? Does he know?”

 

“Um… no”

 

“Hyung!”

 

“He doesn't need to know, it was a one time thing yugyeom.”

 

“Hyung you cheated!”

 

“I didn't cheat!”

 

“Yes you did you cheated and your hiding it from Mark, do you have any idea how much this will hurt him if he find out by somebody else!”

 

“He wont find out because it won't happen and it's in the past now”

 

“Hyung you of all people should understand how it feel to be betrayed by the person you gave your heart too”

 

“Why would i?...”

 

“Ask jaebum hyung, hopefully he’ll be honest to you this time”

 

“Yugyeom!”

 

“Yugyeom wait where are you going!?”

 

“I’m going to Mark place”

 

“Are you going to tell him?”

 

“No, just like i was there for you before i will do the same with Mark hyung and kept my lips sealed.”

 

___

  
  


_ The sound of the loud upbeat music ricocheting  against the wall, the flashing green blue and red lights that bounced around the larged crowded building. The smell of mixture cologne and perfume and sweat filled the air a hint of weed and alcohol lingered. The deafening sound of discreet laughter and inaudible chatting blends in with the music. Jaebum ears drum thump as  loud music echoes within his ear and every based that drop that made his blood rush as he dance along made him forget what got him to the club in the first place. Soon his body is  moving along side some complete stranger, his hand now touching and gripping onto the young lady slim, very slim waist. She was to thin for jaebum taste and her hair was to much of a light color and her voice was to high pitch she wasn’t his type. She wasn’t Jinyoung.  _

 

_ “Hyung” a familiar voice calls to jaebum who is currently grinding against some chick ass.  _

 

_ “Jaebum hyung!”  _

 

_ “What! Yugyeom don't you see i’m busy!” _

 

_ “Your drunk hyung you should be getting home. Jinyoung seem worried” _

 

_ “I’m not drunk” _

 

_ “Okay but you should head home either way. Jinyoung has been calling your cell for the past hour now”  _

 

_ “Yugyeom how about you fuck out of here!” _

 

_ “How about you stop trying to fuck some dirty looking hood rat and get back home to your fucking lover who waiting for you at home!” _

 

_ “Look yugyeom i don’t need you  breathing down my neck when i’m trying to have a good time okay” _

 

_ “What about jinyoung hyung? What about his feeling?” _

 

_ “What about them?” _

 

_ “Are you fucking serious right now Jaebum hyung? How long are you going to keep this up?” _

 

_ “How long do you plan to stick around because i don't need you being a cock block right now” _

 

_ “He knows hyung!” _

 

_ Suddenly those words became louder then the music  itself. Jaebum stop, his hands now pushing the young girl to the side as he make his way through the crowd. His now chaotic mind spinning in circles and the air becoming thick for him to breathe.  _

 

_ “What did you say?” ask Jaebum as he grabs onto the rail that separates the dance floor and the tables.  _

 

_ “He knows” yugyeom speaks “ he knows about you and all those girls you've been with.” he added  _

 

_ “How?” jaebum questions “Did you tell him? Did you open your fucking mouth yugyeom!” _

 

_ “I didn’t say shit hyung! I didn’t need to not with how much you’ve been going out!” yugyeom barks  _

 

_ “you think he stupid? You think he hasn't seen those mark on your neck and  the smell on your clothes! he not an idiot hyung! He just a fool, a fool who's in love!”   _

 

_ “i knew it” _

 

_ “What?  What do you mean you knew it?“ _

 

_ “I already knew that he knew yugyeom, I know how much it hurts him.”  _

 

_ YuGyeom balls up his fist and grit his teeth, “So why do you keep doing it!” said yugyeom, nearly growling as he speaks “Why Do you continue to cause him this sufferment! Why make the wound bigger then it has to be!? How selfish could you be hyung!” _

 

_ “because I love him yugyeom!” _

 

_ “No! If you love him you'd be at home with him! If you loved him you’d be holding him! If you truly fucking loved him you would have never cheated on him! So just stop it! Stop being selfish! Stop damaging him more then you already did hyung!” _

 

_ “What am i supposed to do yugyeom! Do you have any idea how much i hate myself! How much I want to go back and time and stop myself from making that same mistake!? Do you have any idea how much pain I'm in!”  _

 

_ “you should be in pain! You should feel that suffocating feeling in your chest! That burning and pulsing feeling that your heart is close to bursting   You should suffer because your a fucking monster! an asshole!” yugyeom shouted, moving close to Jaebum with tense trembling shoulders.  _

 

_ “And what does that make you!? Huh! Your no different from me yugyeom! Your no fucking saint in this story! So don't play the good guy here because you fuck up as much as I did!” Jaebum exclaim his voice growing rough as clenched his jaw.  _

 

_ “fuck You! Jaebum fuck you! I shouldn't have let him fall for You! I knew it was a mistake! I knew that I shouldn't have told him to choose you over Mark because Mark hyung would have never cause him this much pain! Because Mark hyung truly loved him! Unlike you!” _

 

_ “you son of bitch!” Jaebum curse as he hit yugyeom across his face.  _

 

_ A loud smack echoes and the music comes to a stop as a crowd of people gasped. YuGyeom wince at the sudden pain as he cupped his cheek before glaring at Jaebum from the side of his eyes. _

 

_ “You don’t know anything yugyeom!, you don't know crap about the things I've done for him to be happy so shut the fuck up!”  _

 

_ “I’m done jaebum hyung,” yugyeom utters  “i’m done trying to see the good in you, you can rot in hell, you fucking selfish bitch” he adds as he spit  at Jaebum feets.  _

 

_ Jaebum looks down at the bloody spit on his shoes then back at yugyeom who is now walking away. Jaebum runs after the younger lad reach out to grab his arm to stop him in his track but quickly loses him as the music start to play again.  the crowds of body block his way and causing jaebum to lose sight of yugyeom. Jaebum nudges his way through the crowd but still no sign of the young tall men that was the only friend jaebum had left. Jaebum rake his finger through his wet hair as he grunts in annoyance. He fuck up again, he let his anger and jealousy get the best of him. He cause another good person who was always there for him to walk away.  _

 

_ Meanwhile yugyeom walk the quiet street of seoul, his hands shoved into his jeans front pockets. The weather was cold causing his fingers and toes to go slightly numb. It must have rain because the street were drenched and the smell of wetness filled the air. Yugyeom walk and walk, not knowing where  actually he was going, his mind was cluttered with thoughts of regret and resentment.  “what should i do?” he wonder to himself . He was also at fault here, it was true what Jaebum said he isn't such a saint himself. YuGyeom could have stop jaebum the first time. He could have prevented any of this to happen But he didn't. YuGyeom was drunk and caught in heat of the moment, every touch and hot kiss that was meet between them was over a couple of bottles of soju and vodka. It was a mistake, a drunken mistake that now eats him alive every time he hears jinyoung crying voices and every night has he lays down to sleep and dream of that night that quickly becomes a empty room and Jinyoung is there crying. His own arms wrapped around himself as he cries out “why did you do it? I trusted you.”  It breaks him down every time Jinyoung calls him at 3am asking him with a tired, worn out voice. “yugyeom is he cheating on me?” And when he lies, he sure that his voice trembles “of course not hyung… jaebum hyung loves you” it's like a knife piercing at his heart and throat. “He’d never do anything to hurt you…. You know that” he’s a liar and a fucking backstabber because he slept with his closest friend boyfriend. Because he made the biggest mistake in his life.   _

 

_ “Jinyoung hyung i’m so sorry”  _

 

_ It kill him every day even more when he got a call that night.  _

 

_ “yugyeom-ah..” _

 

_ “Mark? Hyung? What is it? What's wrong?”  _

 

_ It was like the world had crumble down upon him. _

 

_ “Jinyoung- accident- he overdose- lost conscience-The car flipped so many time.”  _

 

_ “Mark hyung! I can't understand you! Stop crying! I need you to  breathe!”  _

 

_ “he tried to kill himself yugyeom! He tried to take his own life! I can't lose him again”  _

 

_ It was that night that remind yugyeom that he was also at fault for Jinyoung sufferment.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it too long? I'm sorry if it is! ! Also omg this story has the most kudos and comment of all my story so thank you all so much you guys have no idea how happy this make me!!
> 
> Please continue to leave me comments and share with your friends who also love JJ Pain!! And if they don't know who JJP IS then tell them to read this anyways and YouTube their verse 2! Lol 
> 
> Also hit me up on Twitter @Twisted_PDnim I'll be happy to know what your thought or if you'd like me to write something in particulars!


	6. The ugly truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I last updated. But I'M BACK! I hope you like this chapter. I'm already working on the chapter after this one! Akdjskdjdn I'm excited. 
> 
> Also sorry if there some grammar mistake.

_I want you to Give me hope,_

_To Make me love you,_

_To Make me need you,_

_To crave you._

 

_I want to be the sunshine in your life,_

_I want to be the beautiful masterpiece that you cannot resist,_

_I want to be the most precious thing in your world,_

_I want to be your all and everything._

 

_I want you to paint me with every bright color that resembles love and autumn to spring,_

_I want to be your high and your low,_

_I want to be your cure and your weakness,_

_I want to be the one that make you wake up happy every day._

 

_I want to be the reason why you work hard for a future,_

_To be the one and only,_

_I want to be Your favorite song and your favorite movie._

 

_I want to be the one thing you fear losing the most,_

_I want to be your life source,_

_The air you breath and the oxygen you need._

 

_I want to be your wings,_

_The reason why you feel like your flying._

 

_I want you to remember me,_

_Remember my burning touch on your sweet smooth skin,_

_Remember the sound of my voice even when you sleep._

 

_Remember me in your weakest moment,_

_Remember me when autumn comes,_

_And when spring ends._

 

_I want to be those Prince in all those Disney movies,_

_To save you from the dragon and make you royalty._

 

_Remember me as the one who showed you how to love,_

_The one that made you see the colors of the world._

 

_I want you to remember our love story._

_I want you to remember me forever like I'll remember you._

 

_I want you to remember me._

________

  


_“what about me? huh.”_

 

Do you remember?

 

_“what about my feeling Jinyoung-ah!”_

 

When we argued for the first time?

 

_“oh, fuck your feeling JB!”_

How I showed no remorse for your feeling.

 

_“I’m tired of this shit jinyoung! I work my ass off just to make your life easier! And this how you repay me!”_

 

How much I made you cry?

 

_“Thank you Jaebum hyung! Thank you for being a fucking prick and shoving every little thing in my face!”_

 

Remember how you got so mad you punched the wall?

 

“ _ugh! You unappreciative bitch!”_

 

_How you cursed at me with so much anger?_

 

_“Get out Jaebum, get out!”_

 

And How i wanted nothing to do with you?

 

_“are you really kicking me out! Are you FUCKING serious! Jinyoung ah”_

How I broke You?

 

Remember how i stared you in the eyes and told you how much i hated you? how much i regret ever running away with you? I use all your weak point against you just to break you.

 

_“I should have choose him instead of you"_

 

_“Fuck you jinyoung”_

 

Did you know when you left out that front door it felt like the walls all close up on me and I couldn't breathe for the first time in so many years.

 

_I remember falling to my knee and let out such a painful cry it felt like my chest was being step on or squeezed. I cried so bad that I could hardly breathe as I stared at the door way, hoping that you walk right back in._

 

_‘please come back’_

 

I prayed that you’d open that door and run up to me and hold me, telling me you would never leave me. That your nothing without me and how much you didn't mean to say those things you said. How you know that every word I said I said out of anger because you know me and you know how much I love you.

 

_‘ please come back home beomie’_

 

But you didn't, you were gone as I sat on that cold ground waiting for you to come back home, waiting for you to open that front door and walk right in.

 

_‘don't l-leave me, please’_

____

 

It feel almost refreshing, the dark night sky and the stars that are barely visible but that what the city light are for, to make up for the star that can't shine as bright. The fresh air that brushed against his milky skin and the view of the city almost breathtaking yet tempting from this high view _._ ‘ _jump’_ Jinyoung Mind says yet his heart want to take off running. It's all silence; no car driving by no laughter coming from the people that rest by the fireplace next to the hotel pool.  only the sounds of the wind blowing through each tree branch and his thoughts that keep driving him mad. _‘What did yugyeom mean?_ ’ jinyoung wonder _‘and why am i so afraid to ask Jaebum hyung about our past?_ ’

 

Suddenly a soft moan was heard from inside the hotel room follow by ruffling sound of the bed sheets, that interrupted Jinyoung chaotic mind.  Jinyoung turn to face the men underneath those silky white bed sheets. Even while he sleep he mesmerizing. who knew someone could look so peaceful and beautiful while sleeping. It's so captivating yet mysterious, almost intimidating like a scene from sleeping beauty.

 

“Hyung,” Jinyoung whispered

 

“Jaebum hyung” Jinyoung whispered bit more louder as he moved closer.

 

“Hyung wake up”

 

He called out after Each step that became smaller and smaller.

 

“Jaebum hyung”

 

“Hmm?”

 

He wake… Jinyoung swore, his body lost all feeling. It felt like his feet were nailed to the floor and no matter how much his mind said go his body refuse to move.  It was this numb like feeling, his body froze like if he was in the presence of a celebrity and he was his no.1 fan. It was the fear that took control, the thought of knowing the truth scared him more than anything. More than death itself, the secret sins that are creeping in their past that keep haunting him in his sleep even in his waking life. There no way of avoiding it, it has to be done. The truth, has it be said even if it's painful even if It'll break him down.  

 

“Hyung?”

 

Because the bitter ugly truth is better than a beautiful lie.

 

“Yeah? What's wrong nyoungie?”

 

Even his voice is sweet, the way it bring Jinyoung to ease, like it's the remedy that he need to bring him back from falling in too deep.

 

“What happen between us?” Jinyoung asked, his body still in the same place.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Hyung did we break things off? Did we fight? _Did you hurt me?_ ”

 

It was the look in his eyes, the look of unexpected. It showed, how his body tense up and the way he struggle to speak. It's the tears that slowly formed the way his adam apple moved up and down as he gulped down roughly,  as if his throat became dry. It was the look of being caught when doing something wrong. It was the moment of truth that Jaebum feared the most.

 

“Why do i feel like crying every night?” Jinyoung questioned, his feets finally beginning to move.

 

Jaebum gulped, “Maybe there tears of joy Nyoungie”

 

“Why does it hurt so much when you hold me in your arms?” said Jinyoung his voice becoming scratchy.  

 

“Nyoungie-"

 

_“Why does it feel like a knife stabbing me in the chest?”_

 

“I’m not sure but i promise i’ll make it go away baby” said Jaebum, as he rose to his feets.  

 

“Are you lying to me?” asked Jinyoung, his body automatically avoiding Jaebum hands. _“Why does my heart feel this aching feeling?”_

 

“youngie, i wouldn't  do anything to hurt you, I promise baby"

 

“Hyung…”

 

It's the dreams that keep on coming, it's the memories that slowly return. It's the need to know the truth. It's that feeling you have when your missing something. Something important, some thing you have to find.

 

“Did you cheat on me?”

 

It's knowing the truth but still asking in hopes that they'll tell you. That way it'll be easier to forgive them, to love them.

 

“of course not...”

 

“You promise?”

 

It's believing in the lie, because the truth is too much to bare.

 

“I promise baby, i’d never do anything to hurt you Youngie” Jaebum said, his hand caressing Jinyoung cheek. “You mean the world to me Youngie, i love you”

 

“i love you too boemie”

 

It's the pain that lingers.

 

___

It's that little ounce of pain that spread like a fire, it's the faint sound of their voices and the small glimpse of happiness that peaks right in those dark orbs of his. It's the slightly crack open door and the sudden need to Make a break for it. run away, escape the pain, Leave everything behind, just run, without a destination without an exact place in mind. Just run until your own two feet find where they wanted to be.

 

It's the little courage that begins to take control.

How his feet slowly begin to move and his hand reach for the knob. How did he forget, how could he have forgotten what cause him this pain in his chest.

 

 _Let him go_ said the mind

 _I don't wanna do this anymore_ said the heart

 _I've grown tired of this story line_ whispered Jinyoung.

 

It's like the beginning of spring, the freshly blossom roses and lilies. Those sweet chirps of bird that sing the symphony of spring day. It's the rays of the warm sun that welcomes the new day. It's his touch that make Jinyoung weak and his voice that send chills through Jinyoung body.

 

It's the feeling that always there follow by the pain that lingers. It's his lips that fit perfectly with his own. It's the hidden truth that ruins it all. It's the burning sensation in his gut. The unbearable tightness in his chest and the words that creep up his throat.

 

_“why?” he utters_

 

_“I don't know Nyoungie”_

 

_“but you still lied, about what happen! about this! about us! Hyung!”_

 

_“I was afraid of losing you again! I didn't know what to do”_

 

It's the rush of anger, the pair of eyes that watch them as they curse at each other. It's the hand that grabs a hold of Jinyoung wrist. Holding it back from hitting the poor man on his knees.

 

_“let me go!”  Jinyoung shouted_

 

_“don't do something you'll regret Jinyoungie”_

 

_“I said let me go Mark!”_

 

It burns but it doesn't hurt, it gives off a firm warm sizzling feeling. It's his eyes, and lips that quiver. It's the tightness in his throat from the pain that is ushering to escape. The tears that are ready to fall like a waterfall. _He hurting too_ but he knew, from the start yet Mark stayed. Yet he continue to play along. Because he love Jinyoung.

 

 _“how long?”_ Mark asked his voice nearly breaking

 

Jinyoung stared at the hand that tighten its grip. _How long_ he wonder. _“not long”_ he answer, still staring at the soft hand with slim long fingers.

 

Mark gulps and doesn't speak, he tries but stop. Almost as if he say a single word his tears will fall. Like a fragile glass heart with a crack and at any given moment it'll shatter with a single touch of the wind. So close to break so close to crumble but he hold his head up and his grip firm.

 

_“Mark I'm so-”_

 

 _“don't”_ He breaks, _“don't say it”_ the tears fall.

 

It stings, it hurt like a fresh cut. It hurt so bad it hard to breath. It so hard so dry so scratchy so tight and aching. It's like you're falling down from high building and that fear that rushing through your veins start to burn you. It's the impact of a punch in the gut that take your breath away leaving you to suffocate. It's like you're drowning in your own water like pain.

 

_“Mark hyung look at me?”_

 

It's his warm touch, the way his hand caress Mark cheeks and wipe away his tears. It's the fluttering feeling in his stomach. Why does he have this effect on Mark like this? It's love isn't it.

 

_“do you remember when I first confess to you?”_

 

_“like it was yesterday Markie”_

 

_“you told me you like me too b-but as family. You said that you c-couldn’t return those feeling back but you didn't want to lose me”_

 

_“Mark, I truly do love you, it just-”_

 

_“don't.”_

 

It hurts him and it make Jinyoung regret everything. _I want to ease his pain_

 

 _“ even if you leave, I'll wait.”_ Mark utter

 

 _“Even if it's for a moment I'll cherish it.”_ he hitch after each word, _“Even if I'm only here for when you need a shoulder I'll be here waiting with open arms to hold you,”_ he adds _“Even if you don't love me, even if you leave again. Because I'm nothing without you Jinyoungie”_

 

_“I'm sorry Mark hyung"_

 

It's the way Mark cry, it's the harsh grunt that broke free after being held back for so long. It's the sudden senseless violence that erupts. The anger that rush throughout Mark vein.

 

 _“why!?”_ Mark shouted, _“why do you have to take away the one thing that I had left! Why jaebum!”_

 

_“i love him Mark”_

 

_“so do I, I love him too Jaebum! I love him so much it hurts”_

 

 _“If I could go back in time I'd give you the love you deserve Jinyoung”_  Mark cried

 

_“I wish i could love you the way you love me Mark hyung, but I can't because then I'll be lying to the both of us”_

 

_“what does he have that I don't! Why couldn't I be in your heart.”_

 

_“forgive me Mark hyung”_

 

It's the regret, it's the sufferment that love brings.

 

_“I Wish I could stop loving you”_

 

It's the ugly truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I want to say THANK YOU TO THOSE READING THIS AND GIVING MY STORY KUDOS. 
> 
> I am happy for all the read back I get and the comments also I notice my got7 text au also getting notice and it make me happy so thank you for check it out.


	7. Mark Pov.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember You called me that one night? you were crying and it broke me to hear you like this.
> 
> “Mark h-hyung”
> 
> “Jinyoungie what's wrong?”
> 
> “i fuck up h-hyung, I really fuck up!”
> 
> “Jinyoung breathe, I need you to breathe”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me I LOVE MARKJIN
> 
> Sorry for my grammar and stuff ^_^

 

_**narrator pov.**_

Something must had gone wrong, the toxic chemicals that rushed throughout their veins. Caught in the heat of the moment, the rush of blood when their lips met.  So massive in its own way, the sound of his breath that cause Mark brain to shoot circuits. Each exhale and sigh of longing only making it hard to resist.

 

_“hyung touch me”_ he purr ever so lowly

 

_‘I shouldn't_ ,’  Mark thought

 

_“hyung, please”_

 

His lips, his lips the way they part just a bit. The gloss from the alcohol bottle, _‘i want too’_ he said to himself ‘ _no! don't do it, he drunk’_

 

but his touch ignite something inside of Mark, something strong and wantoning. Like a  hungry creature that carving flesh, sweet flushing pink _flush._ A hunter hunting for its deer seathly and carefully. Until he spot it, looking beautiful and luxurious. He a hawk in the sky, the bravest of birds, that had no need worry for a predator to took out for. He is the most feared bird the most daring and full of ambition, always ready to dive for his meal. A wildfire, that burns rapidly, taking down everything that stand in his way. That what it is, a hot  burning sensation rushing so fast throughout  his body it's unexplainable. It's unbelievable that he has this type of effect  on Mark it's remarkable almost admirable.

 

_“no I can't”_ he utter pulling away from those now bruised plump lips. _“your drunk Jinyoungie"_

 

_“they say alcohol speak the truth Mark hyung"_

 

The fire in his eyes burn brighter than the rising sun. it spark and shimmer so vibrantly and the longer Mark stared into them the faster he fell into the dark Abyss that belong to Park Jinyoung. It's the way his fingers brush up against his arm. Slow and gentle like a paint brush against a canvas. Like an artist working on their new masterpiece, such grace and elegance, gentle and steady as they mark every white spot. Each gentle touch that is loving and caring. A feeling so deep so hard it's unspeakable. A unforgettable and undeniable feeling that take shelter in the center of heart. It's the way Mark watches Jinyoung unveil himself beneath him, how his long slim finger trace every muscle and sloop of Jinyoung body. Each dip and curve, the small of his back and how his chest rises and fall ever so pleasantly. The way his head falls back the moment Mark lips press against his hip bone. The grip marks on Jinyoung shoulder blades and hip. The small bruise against Mark back and the finger mark on his thighs. It's the sound of their breath that fit in such a perfect harmony.

 

Each gentle touch and the look in Mark eyes, is loving and caring. A feeling so deep so hard it's unspeakable. A unforgettable and undeniable feeling that take shelter in the center of heart. It's the way Mark watches Jinyoung unveil himself beneath him, how his long slim finger trace every muscle and sloop of Jinyoung body. Each dip and curve, the small of his back and how his chest rises and fall ever so pleasantly. The way his head shoot back the moment Mark lips press against his hip bone. The grip marks on Jinyoung shoulder blades and hip. The small bruise against Mark back and the finger mark on his thighs. It's the sound of their breath that fit in perfectly like a harmony.

 

It's the look in Mark’s eyes, a spark that glimmer every time he hear that monotone laughter. He love Jinyoung more then one would think is possible, he need him like lungs need oxygen, like a fish need gills to breathe. Like death need life, it wouldn't be the same without one another. But He know it's wrong, he know this isn't right, He knows that Jinyoung wouldn't have done this if he knew the truth.

 

Mark knew that once his memory return he'd be losing him again and every touch and every kiss will all just be another lost memory.  So Mark cherished it, each waking moment of it.  every smile that brought him joy, every laughter that came so sweetly to Mark ears, every tight embraces and playful hits when he teased Jinyoung. He took in every part of Jinyoung, every single piece of him, he watched the younger male while he slept. Staring at him with so much focus as  if he taking photograph imagine of Jinyoung with his mind. Mark observed every detail of Jinyoung face, from the curve of his to the single mole that rested right on his jawline.

 

Mark soaked in every expose muscle and skin, from his arm to his chest, to the curve of his lower back and legs, memorizing it like a study guide before the big exam. He had to cherish it before it was all gone enjoy it like the world was ending, make every day count as if it was your Last day.

 

But it came to soon, there wasn't enough time for him to completely finish memorizing every part of Jinyoung being. Before he could finish painting his canvas, Before he could enjoy what little he had left of Jinyoung. Before his could capture his rainbow that disappeared so quickly.

 

_“I think I remember him hyung”_

 

Because Im Jaebum didn't give him time, he didn't give him a head start. Jaebum was winning the race again.

 

_“my heart won't stop beating so crazy whenever I see him, hyung"_

 

He did over again, he did so fast so effortless it's envious. He had already started winning and Mark envy Jaebum for doing something he tried desperately to do for many years.

 

_“I'm in love with him”_

 

And that was winning Park Jinyoung heart all over again.

____

  ** _Mark Pov._**

 

I hate it, the first time I saw them, the firm grip on Jinyoung waist and the shy look on his face as Jaebum claim him in front of everyone in school. The way he pulled Jinyoung close, how he stood right by side him. They gotten so close so fast, its like he broke through jinyoung walls by walking right through them. He know thing about Jinyoung that I didn't know, secrets and part of him that others haven't seen. Parts I wished to explore, to touch, to feel against my fingertips.

And the first time I saw them kiss, the moment their lips touch, I swear it felt like I had been shot in the chest. My body felt heavy and my legs went numb and the air thicken: I couldn't breathe. It was a mistake, I shouldn't have agreed to hang out with them that day, I should have just pretend to be busy.

 

_“Happy birthday JB hyung!”_

 

They all seem so happy being here, watching them.

 

_“make a wish beomie”_

 

_“I don't need too, I already have you youngie"_

 

I hate you

 

_“beomie~”_

 

God I fucking hate them all.

\--

 

_“Mark! Mark! Where are you going!?”_

 

You know

 

_“Mark, please stop walking away, talk to me hyung”_

 

You know how I feel about you yet you do this,

 

_“Mark! Why are you acting this way?”_

 

you know how much I love you how strong my feeling are for you and you still invite me to his birthday party and say cute pet name in front of me.

 

_“Mark! Damn it stop acting like a child!”_

 

“ _Do my feeling not matter?”_

 

_“what? What are you-"_

 

_“Am I not allow to have these feeling?”_

 

_Remember_ that night on JB 24 birthday, how i stormed right out of your apartment without a saying goodbye. You chased after me and called out to me but I couldn't face you. I kept hoping you'd stop following me but you didn't and that made me so angry I snapped.

 

_“what-”_  

 

_“Because if so then take them! Take them all! Because I can't stand the pain anymore!”_

 

I couldn't breathe and everything got blurry, my heart and pulse thump so loud it echoed in my ear and creep up to my throat. I felt like I'd pass out at any given moment but…

_“hyung I'm sorry"_

 

You didn't let me 

 

_“i never meant to make you feel this way, I'm so sorry"_

 

And I felt like the monster like the bad guy and I regret ever saying anything because you shed tears while you wiped mines away.

 

_“your so important to me Mark, you mean the world to me"_

 

All i want was to be the one in your heart

 

_“your my best friend Mark, I would never want to hurt you”_

 

But I would never be in that heart of yours, will I….

__

_Remember_ You called me that one night? you were crying and it broke me to hear you like this.

 

_“Mark h-hyung”_

 

_“Jinyoungie what's wrong?”_

 

_“i fuck up h-hyung, I really fuck up!”_

 

_“Jinyoung breathe, I need you to breathe”_

 

There was a silence, only the sound of your hitch and shuddering breath were audible. A couple of minutes pass before you could finally speak. You told me how you argued with jaebum for the first time. Told me how you curse him out and use all his weakness to break him. How he even cried when you kick him out. You told me how you miss him already and how you kept on hoping he'd come back home. But it's been 6 hours now since he left and you couldn't stop worrying about him.

I hated myself for still being there for you, for doing things that I shouldn't be. For wanting to see you happy again even if it wasn't with me. I hated the fact that you'd only come to me when you needed me. Yet there I was, looking for someone I hate the most at 4am in a dark empty street.

 

I made two mistake that night, I should have told you.

_“did you find him mark?”_

 

I should I told you but I couldn't bear to hear you fall apart.

 

_“no, I'm sorry jinyoungie”_

 

I saw him,

I saw him with someone,

Someone we both know, someone we both trusted.

 

_“I love him so much hyung"_

 

I'm sorry I kept it from you Jinyoung

 

_“I don't wanna lose him, I'd die without him Mark”_

 

But how am i suppose to tell you that  I caught him cheating on you.

 

_“you sure you didn't see him? Mark? Tell me the truth”_

 

_“i didn't see him anywhere, I promise Jinyoung”_

 

_“what about yugyeom? Maybe yugyeom knows”_

 

YuGyeom….

 

_“i went to his place too, I  even knock on his door"_

 

I caught them.... together, I'm sorry

 

_“but he wasn't home either”_

 

Forgive me but it wasn't my secret to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is coming to an end soon I'm not sure how many more chapter are left but soon. Anyways tell me what you think. Please comment below hit that kudos if you haven't yet and remember to share this if you like it and check out my other story. Thank you! See you next time!


	8. Jinyoung Pov.

It happen so fast, 

 

_ “Jinyoung!”  _

 

Death can be a scary thing but not to me; death is welcoming. it's warm embrace and bright light that guide you into the gate of a peaceful sanctuary: A paradise. Have you ever watch a fish slowly die? The look in their eyes, has this fear almost desperate need to live and the way it twist and turns as it fights to breath, to swim. It's saddening actually, to see this poor defenseless creature FIGHT for its life. 

 

_ Breathe  _

 

It's cold at first, death icy cold embrace that wrapped around your body. This numbing feeling that traveled throughout your body then suddenly, You can't breathe. so you panic and the once peaceful slumber  quickly comes to ends within minutes and you begin to feel everything again. every ache and every piercing jab in your lungs, the thickness and rough dryness as your throat swells up. Must have been the chlorine that you chugged down a few minutes ago. Your hand shake and shiver, the cold sweat that drips down your brow and neck and your body weakens. Guess the bottle of painkiller are finally kicking in. Your stomach feels like it's eating itself, as if someone was pulling your abdominal from inside, crushing it and yanking in viciously. The burning acid that rushes up your throat and your mouth water up as your so close to vomiting everything up. But you can't because you can't even breathe your throat is so dry and swollen it make it impossible to even grasp oxygen. The drowsy feeling and loss of balance take in, your vision a blur and your whole body seem to be shutting down; guess the sleeping pills you took are finally working. In that very moment, those very few seconds that your so close to death, you change your mind because now you wants to  _ live.  _ your not ready to go just yet. 

 

Every single memory of your life comes running back, Guess it true when they say, your whole life flash before your eyes when your about to die.  Your legs finally give out and your whole body drops and the last feeling you felt was the hard impact from the back of your head hitting the ground.

~ 

 

_ “Jinyoung-ah!” _

 

That how it happened, 

 

_ “What did you do!” _

 

My lung felt like they were being dip in acid,

 

_ “God no please, Jinyoung-ah!” _

 

My heart slowly lost its beat.

 

_ “wake up, please” _

 

My body felt every ounce of pain yet felt nothing at all. 

 

_ “Jinyoungie!’ _

 

Everything felt cold and it was hard to breathe.

 

_ “wake up please wake up”  _

 

My hearing went echo-y and hollow, almost  deafening; Hardly audible. 

 

_ “why! Why! Jinyoung-ah why!"  _

 

I was dying, 

 

_ “Somebody help!”  _

 

And The last person i saw before I black out,

 

_ “somebody! Help!!”  _

 

Was Mark..

 

_ “Wake up, wake up God please Jinyoung-ah!” _

 

I've grown tired of the same thing, That was the reason why I wanted to died.  I didn’t want to feel anymore, i didn't want to hurt anymore, I didn't want to hear his voice call my name anymore. I didn't want to feel his touch, to feel his rough palms against my skin anymore.  I wanted to make it all stop, make it all go away. I felt like I was losing my mind every single day the long I stayed. 

 

_ “Somebody! Help!”  _

 

I wish that my life wasn't mine

 

_ “Please don't leave me!”  _

 

I didn't want be live, If it meant being in pain with the person I love. 

 

_ “Jinyoung!!!”  _

 

I want to sleep and never wake up.

 

Death can be a scary thing but not to me, death is sweet and comforting when you've lived a cold world like me. It comfort me in my moment of weakness, it welcomed me with open arms and it held me tightly in it cold embrace,  It felt home... 

 

___ 

 

The best part of losing my memory was forgetting that you ever exist. The best part of forgetting you was forgetting the pain and heart fill feeling you brought to me. The best part of not remembering you was being able to see you again without regret. The best part of losing my memory was forgetting you, that way I'd get to fall in love with you all over again. 

 

“my name is Im jaebum” 

_ Yes, I remember Beomie _

 

“we were a couple and we had moved in together” 

_ I know… _

 

“we were so in love” 

_ Until…  _

“until I broke your heart” 

 

“I  _ was  _ the reason to your hospitalization”

_ I know... _

 

“you were in so much pain because I….um" 

_ You cheated... _

 

“I know I made a mistake and I know I don't deserve to be forgiven but I love you Jinyoung ah” 

_ And? _

 

“I know lied and I lied even after you lost your memory I just didn't want to lose you. I love you so much” 

_ I want us too jaebum… I want us so bad…  _

 

“so if I want your forgiveness first thing first… the truth” 

_ I know it all already  _

 

“i cheated on you and I slept with other people and… one of them was… um it was” 

_ I know _

 

“it was-" 

 

“Kim yugyeom” 

 

“you know?…” 

 

_ I know everything Im jaebum, every secret and lie you said. I know your ugly truth and I know you every move I know your weakness and how to make you break. But I love you too much to see you crumble. I love you too much to make you feel like a waste of space.  _

 

“I know, I know about your cheating, about you and yugyeom. And I know that Mark knows too” 

 

“Jinyoungie, I want to tell you I swear i did”  

 

“I know Mark, I know but you didn't want to hurt me more, I know” 

 

“youngie, what about us?” 

 

“ _ Us? _ Is there such a thing as  _ us _ any more? Jaebum hyung?” 

 

_ I want us too, i want us to be like we used to be. I want us to be one and to fight this world together. I wanted it so bad but that one red flag that warn me. It stop me from letting us be one again. It remind me of the war we entered and how it wasn't us against the world. it was you against me and you were winning the battle but it me who will win the war Im jaebum. I work too hard to get this far.  _

 

“What about you and me? Do you still love me Jinyoungie?” 

 

“I do Mark, but not the way you want me too. I love you but I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved Mark hyung. I'm sorry” 

 

_ There never was an us between me and you, you were only temporarily, until I regain my memory and I'm sorry.  _

 

“don't leave me, youngie please”

 

“I'm sorry jaebum, I'm sorry but I can't love you like I use too because I can't trust you anymore, I want my life back and I want peace again.” 

 

_ You didn't break me, you awaken me, you made realize the truth and how you were my sickness and it was time to get cured.  _

 

“I'm sorry, Im jaebum”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter super short but tell me what you think. 
> 
> Also yes it's about to end very soon. 
> 
> So comment kudos and share with other. Thank you for reading it this mess and sadness. I'm a sadistic and I love angst forgive me lol.


	9. Narrator POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter SUPER SHORT! I'm sorry

**2020**

 

The sunlight glisten against the freshly doe drops against the taxis windows. The smell of autumn spread throughout the street of Seoul, how long has it been? Jinyoung breathe in deeply, the cold air of Seoul and fresh rain was a smell he truly miss since he moved to New York. It rain in New York but it wasn't the same as Seoul, not at all. Seoul had its very own distinguish scent, a mixture of brand new to wore out. The mixture of autumn Breeze and summer heat. It a very tangy scent but it was the smell of home to park Jinyoung and he took it all in. The sound of rush cars and drip drops of  rain slowly falling rebound against his black umbrella, the sound of foots picking up their pace as he walked calming down the street of seoul. Compare to New York, Seoul didn't seem so busy to Jinyoung, yet again they both did have a very busy street and he suddenly didn't mind being in a crowded street. The slight nudges and aggressive shoulder bump became a constant thing in New York and honestly it wasn't any different in Seoul, maybe the only thing was the older people were nicer, they didn't hit you as you walked past you in New York. Jinyoung sure didn't miss that. 

 

_ There it is,  _ that smell, that subtly sweet smell of fresh coffee and warm bread. That was a smell Jinyoung miss most of all South Korea coffee and bread. Jinyoung pushed open the door of the coffee shop, the warmth of the air welcome him along with the coffee and pastry smell that dance all over him. The barista welcome him in and Jinyoung smiled with a slight bow as he step in moving ever so elegantly towards a table by the window. It was always his favorite place to sit at. 

 

_ I haven't been here in so long _ Jinyoung wonder as he walk down memory lane. Reminiscing about the time he use to work at this exact coffee shop and all the eventful events that happen. You'd think that not much would happen at a coffee shop but you'd be surprised of how many strange people tend to walk into a café. 

 

_ “welcome, what can I get for you sir?”  _  ask the barista 

 

Jinyoung hadn't realize how long he had been lost in his thought and how long that barista must have been waiting on him. 

 

“um, what your favorite drink?” Jinyoung asked, his eyes still glued to the outside. 

 

“anything with strawberries” 

 

Jinyoung rested his chin on the palm of his hand as a small smile creeped, “a strawberry smoothie?” he said but sounded more like a question.

 

“really? I expected you to order like a java chip frap or an Iced Americano’ 

 

Jinyoung left his chin from his palm and slowly turn to face the barista. How? Did he know those were Jinyoung favorite? How did he? 

 

“it's been awhile hadn't it?” 

 

Jinyoung eyes widen as he rose to his feets, “Y-You? What? What are you?” Jinyoung was lost of words 

 

The barista smirk shyly, “I work here part time, its the only thing that remind me of you.  _ Youngie _ ” 

 

_ Im jaebum it's been so long since the last I've saw you.  _ Jinyoung thought as his eyes became soft. 

 

“are you back? Are you officially back? Youngie” 

 

“yes, I'm back… I'm back home boemie" 

 

Love is when you see that person and no matter how angry you are and how much you want to forget them you can't help but smile the moment you see them. Im jaebum was that person to Park Jinyoung. 

 

**_2 year back_ **

 

_ “are you really leaving? Youngie don't leave me"  _

 

_ “I have to I'm sorry”  _

 

_ “promise me something”  _

 

_ “Okay what is it hyung?” _

_ “that if we ever run into each other again you'll give me another chance”  _

 

_ “I promise that if fate bring us back together, I'll be coming back home to you jaebum hyung”  _

 

_ “promise,’’  _

 

_ “I promise”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was thinking of ending it like this but I'm not sure yet.
> 
> Tell me what you think and if you think I should end it like this


	10. Ending [before Jinyoung leave Seoul; A filler]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the ending! And it's just the filler for the chapter 9. Hope you all like it.  
> THIS IS FOR WHEN JB AND JINYOUNG TALK BEFORE JINYOUNG LEAVES SEOUL. IF ITS CONFUSING LET ME KNOW

**2020**

 

_ “youngie, I've miss you”  _

 

_ “I'm coming home, boomie"  _

 

**2 year back**

 

There was silence. All around, nothing but complete silence. The room felt so suffocating, like the entire world had sudden run out of oxygen. The silent words that were dying to be heard as they continued to stare at the ground beneath their feet. The little empty space at the left corner of the bedroom that had also bug jinyoung sudden became a place were all his tears and all his sorrow were left at. That very spot was the spot that kept Jinyoung company, the place he'd crawl into a ball and cry out his broken heart. That empty corner that he remembers clearly, the only spot in this apartment that felt truly his.

 

It was Jaebum that spoke first, the first to break the silence. In fact he was always the first, he was the first one who made a move, the first to ever gain Jinyoung trust. He was Jinyoung first kiss, his first true love, the first person to sleep with, the first person that took Jinyoung heart, the first and only person in his heart. the first to lie, the first to leave, the first to hide behind his sin, the first to break every little piece of Jinyoung heart. The first to cheat. Yes, Jaebum, was in deed the first person to make a move. 

 

“ I'm sorry “ 

 

There it is, those two stupid overused words that slip out of people mouth like a breath of air. 

 

Jeabum head hung low, his shoulder were slouched as he lean his back against the bedroom door while he played with the hems of his oversized sweatshirt. There was a small gap between them, 3 step away but felt like 3 hundred miles away. Jinyoung sat on the footing of bed, with his knees close to his chest and his arms wrapped around them as he rested his chin upon his knees. 

 

“youngie,” said JB as he took a few step towards Jinyoung, “I really mean it, i am so sorry” 

 

Jinyoung look at the elder boy who fell to his knees right in front of him. the look of desperation in his dark almond eyes grow deeper and spread throughout his face. 

 

“I forgive you, Hyung" 

 

“then why are you leaving me? Youngie!” 

 

“because I can't stay with you…” said Jinyoung, his voice trembled as he stared into Jaebum eyes, “because i can't trust you. It's hard to sleep knowing that I wasn't the only the person who laid by your side.” his words slipped out like the tears falling down his eyes. 

“I promise I'll be a better man Jinyoung-ah I promise I'll never hurt you! Please  _ I promise” _

 

Jinyoung rose to his feet, his eyes moved from Jaebum to the ceiling, a small chuckle filled with sorrow and annoyance was heard from Jinyoung. 

 

“I need time, I need to time to heal and to regain the trust that was shattered, I am sorry Jaebum" 

 

“I'll give you your space! I'll beheave better! I'll do anything Just please don't go! Dont leave me!” 

 

“I have to! Damnit I have to leave!” 

 

“Why!? Why do you have to leave?” leave?” ask Jaebum, as he rose to his feets. 

 

“because being around you make it hard for me to breathe”  said Jinyoung

 

“but we were happy again, remember how much fun we were having” having” said Jaebum, as he moved to stand in front of Jinyoung. His hands resting upon Jinyoung shoulders. 

 

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, a small smile was present, but it was a smile filled of pain and force. “because I couldn't remember who you were, Because I had forgotten about the past” 

 

“ then forget about it again forget what we went there and let start all over again please Jinyoung! JUST DON'T FUCKING LEAVE ME!” 

 

“you think that if I want to, I wouldn't have by now! I would have been happier not knowing about all the fuck up we made all the fucking lies you said!” Jinyoung shouted, 

 

“how many time do I have to say i am sorry! Damnit!” 

 

“Do you fucking seriously believe that saying sorry would make it all go away! You think that if a killer who murdered a whole village had just said  _ oh I am sorry I really mean it I won't do it again _ will not fucking do it again would make up for all those innocent life that were taken! YOU THINK THAT'LL BRING THEM BACK!” 

 

“youngie just please!” 

 

Jinyoung shoved Jaebum away, his body heated up, his mind felt like it was close to exposing, “you know how much it hurts jaebum Do you!”

 

“Yes! I fucking do! You know how much it killed me knowing you left home with mark! Knowing he was the one holding you at night instead of me!” JB shouted, 

 

Jinyoung tsked, placing his hand on his hips. 

 

“I don't wanna argue youngie,” said JB as he slowly guide JinYoung back to the bed, “i don't wanna say something i  mean over anger, so please. Just, Just please, sit down and let's-” 

 

“no” Jinyoung said, cutting off JB as he pulling away from him. “I can't do this again Hyung” he adds.

 

Jinyoung turns away from JB who was sitting on the bed and walked over to the closet. Jb watched intensively as he slowly got up from the bed. 

 

Jaebum eyes widen, tears gather to the center of his eyes as he rush over towards Jinyoung and grabbing a hold of the luggage in his hand. “ no, no no no! God please! Jinyoung please! I'm begging you!” 

 

It killed Jinyoung to see jaebum like this, to hear the sound of his once smooth and gentle voice become shaky and full of agony.  But he had to do this. He had to leave. Jinyoung yanked away the luggage from JB as he began to head towards the bedroom door. 

 

“Jinyoung! Please don't leave me!” JB cries out he rushed behind Jinyoung. 

 

Jinyoung continued to walk out the bedroom door. With his heart breaking as he could hear Jaebum cries become louder. Just as he reached the front door of their apartment Jinyoung was pulled back. 

 

Jinyoung turns to look at the hand on his arm that grip continues to tighten. “let me go JB" 

 

“just please,” he hitched “please listen to me” 

 

Jinyoung let go his suitcase and turn to face JB, who was a crying mess. Jaebum let go of his grip on Jinyoung as he stared at him, this feeling of despair and regret was eating Jaebum alive right here and right now. He wanted to go back, to change what he did because now Jinyoung is leaving and Jaebum can't bear losing him again. 

 

Jaebum grab a hold of Jinyoung hands, squeezing them gently as he gulped down the knot in his throat, “ I'll always love you, and I know what I did was a mistake and I understand why you can't forgive me but know that I will always wait for you youngie” 

 

Jinyoung pulled Jaebum into a strong embrace, hand rubbing the back of The elder back as the other hand was place on the back of Jaebum head as he cries into Jinyoung shoulder. 

 

“don’t leave me please” JB muttered 

 

“I can’t hyung” 

 

“your my world youngie I'll die without you please  _ stay with me"  _

 

Jinyoung pulled away from the hug and stared at the man he knows he loves. 

 

“I love you youngie” 

 

“I love you to hyung" jinyoung cried.

 

Jinyoung wiped the tears that rolled down JB cheeks away, his hand soon found it self caressing JB cheek. Soon it moved behind the back of JB neck as the other hand is now placed upon his strong wide shoulder. No moment later their face are only an inch away, and their lips lock on to each other. There was still sparks, there was still the feeling of flying above the clouds.

 

The sound of the raindrops tapping on the glass windows and the sound of their breaths follow by a slight gasped and hitch filled the room. His touch always make Jinyoung weak, the way his lips danced around his chest and down to his stomach. The way his hands explore his body, tracing every curve and the way his eyes became so gentle so full with reason as they took in Jinyoung exposed body. The way his cheek flushed hot pink, the way he filled Jinyoung up completely. The way their body moved together in a perfect pace. The way their lips fit together like they belong together. The missing piece of a puzzle. They completed each other yet they were killed one another. 

 

_ “youngie, I love you so much” _

 

_ “h-hyung, I love you too boomie"  _

 

_ “don’t forget about me Jinyoung ah"  _

 

_ “I'll never forget you Hyung"  _

 

\---- 

Jinyoung eyes  slowly open, all around was darkness, his body was sore and aching and by his side laid a body. Jinyoung turn to face the handsome man that laid next him. 

JB was truly breathtaking and Jinyoung was always happy to wake up with this view every morning. 

 

_ “I love you hyung”  _ Jinyoung whisper under his breath _.  _

 

Jinyoung slowly sneaked out of the bed, carefully as he didn't want to wake up Jaebum and made his way to the bathroom.  There was this tightness in his chest as he stared at the reflect in the bathroom mirror.  _ Tell him before you go _ whispered the voice in his head  _ no, just go it'll be easier this way  _ said the other one.

 

Jinyoung washed his face and brushed his teeth then quickly and quietly he slipped out of the bed room and head into the living room. 

  
  


_ “are you really leaving youngie?”  _

 

Jinyoung gasped, startled by Jaebum sudden voice. 

 

_ “what are you doing here? I thought you were sleeping hyung?”  _

 

Jaebum stood up from the couch and headed towards Jinyoung,  _ “are you really leaving?”  _

 

Jinyoung gulped,  _ “I have to, I'm sorry"  _

 

_ “just promise me something youngie”  _

 

_ “okay, what is it hyung?”  _

  
  


_ “ when your feel like coming back home, promise you will come back home to me"  _

 

_ “I promise boomie _ " 

 

And just like that, he was gone. His clothes, his scent, the sound of his voice. He was gone all that was left of his were the old tattered books that he read so many time that the cover became old and used. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Tell me honestly lol. 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING AND LEAVING KUDOS IT MEANS ALOT TO ME. IT BRING ME HOPE TO CONTINUE WRITING. and thank you for waiting for my update! 
> 
> Please check out my other sorry too.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Was it good? Should I continue It?  
> Comment below and don't forget to hit the kudos and share this work with your friends. Thanks!


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